current mood: confused
current song: Goodbye Blues - Tyler Burkum
Do you ever not tell anyone something, just to have something that only you know? Lately I've been doing that more and more, over stupid things, but I just like knowing that out of the billions of people in the world, the knowledge is all mine. Just me, no one else.
I'm not sure how I've been feeling, either. Like, I've felt increasingly alone, and not just because I don't have a boyfriend. Somehow it feels like I'm already letting go of the friends I know I won't have next year, and that's really scary because I don't want to lose them next year, much less now. I just feel like there's no one person that's always there when I need them, I have lots of people that are sometimes there, which usually makes up for it. But not lately. I'm in my own little world.
I am also discovering, lately, how to experience happiness even when there's no one to laugh with you. I find myself smiling in my car by myself, for no reason at all other than it's a beautiful night and I am listening to music and feeling like I can do whatever I want. I mean, of course, I can't, but for some reason my loneliness has come with a sense of independence.
What is going on?!