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JJ <3 [userpic]

The Doldrums.

February 9th, 2007 (09:37 pm)
apathetic

current mood: apathetic
current song: Don't Look Back Into the Sun - The Libertines

Life is strange.  Good, but strange.  I feel like I'm in the in-between period, like everything I do is leading to something, but the end is still nowhere close to being in sight.  It's frustrating.  All I do anymore is schoolwork, think about schoolwork, and occasionally talk to friends.  But not even the really good, in depth sort of talk, just the average "Jordan I need help with this problem I'm having" sort of talk.  It's like right now my life is a book you're halfway through and you know eventually it's going to get good again but it just seems to get more and more boring, and you want to put it down.  But I know it'll get exciting again sometime I just sort of am dying to know when that will be.

This happens every February, pretty much.  I just reach this point of dying for vivid colors and warmth and seeing new sights but instead it's only cold and kind of gray-ish and the same it's always been.  Usually I'm cured about the time of Spring Break, but that's not for a few months so I guess I'm screwed.

In other news, I've unofficially decided on attending UNC Chapel Hill next year.  I guess that will be the scary, new territory I'm so obviously craving.  I'm really excited but at the same time I'm terrified of finding new friends, fitting in, feeling intelligent, not missing home, doing well in ultrahard classes, living with someone I barely know, and basically just fending for myself.  My whole life I've had my mom here for me when I was scared or nervous or stressed, and what will I do without her right there?  I'm no good at meeting people because I'm not confident, and how will I not get terribly lonely?  I guess I've just tried to figure out lately how I got the amazing friends I have now, and I can't seem to figure it out.

I need a new, interesting boy.
Any ideas?
Maybe that would cheer me up.

Comments

Posted by: one lie short of truth (ronwheezy)
Posted at: February 10th, 2007 03:51 pm (UTC)

when you get to college, all of that will change. you will feel goal-oriented toward your degree, you will meet all numbers of interesting new people, (i hope for your sake that you hit the awesome jackpot in the roommate lottery, if you dont it sucks), and you will have countless and constant in-depth, meaningful and theoretical discussions throughout the day and well into the wee hours of the night, every night. i think you will have the time of your life at college. as for an interesting new boy, don't think i can help you there ;)

Posted by: JJ <3 (marredkiss12)
Posted at: February 10th, 2007 04:18 pm (UTC)

Ahh yeah I hope that's all true. Too bad it's 6 months away =P

Posted by: Heather (thehotcheeto)
Posted at: February 13th, 2007 06:11 am (UTC)

I love you Jordan! I'm sorry we haven't talked much lately... I've been in this depressive funk for a few months where I just feel this awkward anxiety talking to people. But things are all starting to even out I think. We need to get back to the regular Target visits.

I also need to leave my house more than once every 4 weeks. Which is my record btw. So I will need your help!

Posted by: JJ <3 (marredkiss12)
Posted at: February 13th, 2007 11:32 pm (UTC)

I've been in a weird phase lately too, as you can probably tell by this blog, but I'm thinking that even though shopping was against us today, that we can help each other become normal again :] Haha, that's saying we were ever normal. We weren't/aren't. But, you know, more normal.

Ily too <3

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